The Attraction Factor – Why We Choose the Work We Do

The Psychology of Work explores the moments in working life that shape how people experience organisations — from the first attraction to a job to the reasons people eventually decide to leave.

Work is often discussed in terms of careers, strategy and professional ambition. Organisations invest significant time and effort thinking about how to attract talent, crafting employer brands and recruitment campaigns designed to showcase their culture, purpose and opportunities.

Yet for many people, particularly at the beginning of their working lives, the decision to take a job starts with much simpler questions.

Does it pay enough to live on?
Can I realistically get there every day and still arrive on time?
And perhaps just as importantly — will I know anyone there to have my lunch with?

These are the quiet hygiene factors of working life. They rarely appear in recruitment campaigns, but they sit firmly at the foundation of how people make decisions about work.

Only once those basics are satisfied do we begin to consider other things: the nature of the work itself, the organisation behind it and the people we might work with.

Earlier in my career I was reminded just how differently work can appear from the outside compared to the inside.

A colleague once asked if he could shadow me for a few days because, as he put it, what I did “looked like fun.” More importantly to him, people in the organisation seemed to know me, listen to me and — in his words — “good things just seemed to happen when I was around.”

Flattered though I was, I decided not to over-engineer the week. Instead, I simply let it unfold as it normally would.

By the end of the week he looked slightly bewildered and more than a little tired.

“HR is nothing like I thought it was,” he said.

His original impression of the role had been based on what he could see: meetings, conversations, decisions being shaped and people working together to solve problems. What he hadn’t seen were the layers underneath — the complexity, the competing priorities and the constant balancing of organisational needs with the realities of people’s working lives.

It was a useful reminder that people are often attracted to work based on perception rather than experience.

We see the visible parts of roles — influence, responsibility, the energy around a team or leader — but the true nature of the work only becomes clear once we step inside it.

This is one of the reasons attraction to organisations is such an interesting psychological process.

Organisations may talk about values, mission and culture when they recruit, but individuals often make their decisions based on a combination of practical considerations and human signals.

Is this somewhere I can succeed?
Do the people here seem credible and trustworthy?
Will the work challenge me in the right way?
And perhaps just as importantly — how will working here reflect on me?

Organisations, whether they intend to or not, carry reputational signals. For some people, joining a particular organisation brings a sense of professional credibility — rather like wearing a well-regarded brand. It tells others something about the standards, training or experience someone is likely to have developed.

Attraction can sometimes work a little like buying a well-known brand. The label signals something reassuring about quality and status, but the real test only begins once you start wearing it every day.

There was a time when people would say you could often spot a John Lewis or Marks & Spencer manager a mile away. Those organisations developed strong reputations not only for what they sold, but for the way they developed their people. Hiring someone from those environments carried a degree of reassurance — organisations felt they knew what they were getting.

For individuals, the same effect worked in reverse. Working there added something to their professional identity.

Attraction, therefore, is rarely just about the job itself. It is about the wider story people believe that job — and that organisation — will tell about them.

For organisations, this raises an important question.

Attraction strategies often focus on messaging, employer branding and recruitment campaigns. Yet what people are really evaluating is something far simpler — whether the experience of working there will match the signal the organisation sends to the outside world.

When the reality matches the promise, people settle and grow.

When it does not, attraction can quickly turn into disappointment.

After all, getting what you want is not always the same as wanting what you get.

It is also worth remembering that very few people begin their careers with a perfectly formed plan. Many of us discover what we are good at — and sometimes what we are not — through experience rather than design.

The sectors we enjoy, the cultures that suit us and the work that gives us energy often become clearer only after a few steps along the way.

In that sense, careers are rarely straight lines. They are more often a process of exploration and adjustment.

What matters most is finding the places where our capabilities, interests and values begin to align with the needs of the organisation we work for.

When that happens, something interesting occurs.

Work stops feeling like something we simply do and begins to feel like somewhere we belong.

And perhaps that is the real psychology behind attraction.

Not simply finding a job — but finding a place where our contribution makes sense.

A reflection for readers

When people join your organisation, what first attracted them?

Was it the role itself, the organisation’s reputation, the people they met during recruitment — or simply the reassurance that this might be a place where they could succeed?

Understanding that first moment of attraction often tells us more about the experience of work than any recruitment campaign ever could.

Episode 2 next Sunday: Belonging vs Fitting In.

🗑 HR Room 101

https://imageio.forbes.com/blogs-images/melodywilding/files/2016/07/25171647513_6b0b60af59_z.jpg?fit=bounds&height=428&width=640

The Language We’re Ready to Retire

There comes a moment in every profession when it needs to gently clear out the cupboard.

HR is no different.

We talk about culture, clarity and connection — yet sometimes our language does the exact opposite. Somewhere between “leaning in” and “circling back”, we’ve built a dialect that sounds strategic… but often feels slippery.

And if we’re honest?
We may have started trying to out-lingo each other.

When HR Starts Speaking a Different Language

I recently attended a dinner described as a “networking opportunity.”
(There’s another phrase we may want to quietly retire.)

A fellow HR leader — operating at a similar level — spoke fluently for 20 minutes.

Fluently.
Confidently.
Impressively.

I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

The sentences were long.
The nouns were abstract.
The verbs were energetic.

But the meaning? Elusive.

It struck me that somewhere along the way, some of us have started using language to signal seniority rather than clarity.

Boards do it too. “Double down.” “Strategic leverage.” “Reach in.” “Optimise the narrative.”

But when HR joins that arms race, something important happens.

The language gap between HR and the business widens.
And sometimes, the gap between senior HR and their own teams widens too.

Early-career colleagues start wondering whether they’ve missed a translation manual.
Mid-career professionals hesitate to ask for clarity.
And line managers nod politely while quietly thinking, “What exactly am I supposed to do differently?”

🚗 The HR Car Park: Where Ideas Go to Rest (and Rarely Return)

At a conference some years ago, a facilitator confidently announced:

“Let’s just park that idea in the HR car park.”

I was handed a yellow Post-it note.

And then… nothing.

No instructions.
No explanation.
Just raised eyebrows in the general direction of a flip chart.

For a fleeting moment, I considered sticking the Post-it to my own face and standing by the wall like a decorative washing line.

Eventually, I realised I was meant to write my thought on it and “park” it on the flip chart.

Which I dutifully did.

At the end of the session, did we return to the car park?
Did we retrieve our carefully parked insights?
Did we reflect on the collective wisdom?

No.

The facilitator rolled up the flip chart and walked off with it — apparently taking all our parked ideas with them.

And that, perhaps, is the risk of jargon without clarity.

We go through the motions.
We use the language.
We signal participation.

But nothing meaningful happens next.

Why Do We Do It?

Periods of uncertainty tend to amplify this behaviour.

When expectations rise.
When regulation shifts.
When the landscape feels complex.

Jargon can become armour.
If we sound authoritative, perhaps we’ll feel it.

But authority built on complexity isn’t as powerful as authority built on clarity.

So… Who Goes to HR Room 101?

A few gentle nominations:

❌ “Let’s park that and circle back.”
➡ “This matters. Let’s agree when we’ll decide.”

❌ “We’re operationalising the strategic people agenda.”
➡ “Here’s what managers will need to do differently.”

❌ “Let’s double down.”
➡ “Is this working — and what evidence do we have?”

❌ “It’s a culture piece.”
➡ “What behaviours are we reinforcing?”

❌ “Let’s socialise this.”
➡ “Who needs to be involved early?”

And perhaps a soft jet-wash for:

“Seat at the table.”
“Authentic leadership.”
“Bring your whole self to work.”

Not because the intention is wrong — but because the execution sometimes drifts.

We talk about authentic leadership — yet occasionally hide behind borrowed language.

We encourage people to bring their whole selves to work — yet reward those who speak the most fluent corporate dialect.

And we proudly claim our seat at the table — but credibility is not earned through vocabulary.
It’s earned through value.

Why This Actually Matters

This isn’t about banning phrases or policing vocabulary.

It’s about remembering who we are.

HR is at its best when it translates complexity into clarity.
When it takes board ambition and turns it into practical, human action.
When it helps managers understand what to do differently on Monday morning.

If our language creates distance rather than direction,
if our teams feel they need a glossary to keep up,
if our business leaders can’t repeat what we’ve said without squinting…

Then perhaps it’s not the audience that needs to lean in.

Perhaps it’s us.

Clear language is not simplistic.
It is disciplined.

And disciplined thinking is what earns credibility.

A Gentle Challenge for the Week Ahead

Before using a familiar phrase, pause and ask:

Would a new HR adviser understand this?
Could a line manager explain it confidently?
Am I leading with clarity — or signalling status?

If it’s performance rather than progress…
Room 101 is always open.

Let’s not park this thought.
Let’s not circle back.
Let’s not leverage a linguistic paradigm shift.

Let’s just say what we mean.

Because if HR wants to be trusted as the conscience of the organisation,
we need to sound like humans — not headlines.

Sharing the Love… (and the Office Wi-Fi Password)

February 14th. Valentine’s Day.

A day loved by florists, card shops and anyone with a strategic dinner reservation booked before Christmas. Possibly less loved by HR teams across the land.

Walk into almost any workplace on Valentine’s Day (or the day nearest to it) and you’ll see it. Flowers arriving at reception. Phones lighting up with heart emojis. A suspicious number of “working from home” requests. Smiles. Blushes. The faint scent of roses mixing with printer toner.

Add a sprinkle of workplace compost to a generally good mood and you have the perfect growing medium for Cupid’s arrows. They don’t have to travel far either. Before you can say “shared calendar invite”, roots are forming across departments.

And really… is that such a surprise?

We spend a significant proportion of our lives at work. We collaborate with people who share our goals, understand our pressures, laugh at the same Teams call glitches and appreciate why that project deadline really did matter. Shared purpose is powerful. Shared experiences even more so.

It is no wonder that many long-term relationships begin in the workplace. In fact, surveys continue to suggest that a significant proportion of couples meet at work.

So what’s the issue?

There is no law in the UK that prohibits office romances.

Consensual adult relationships are just that — consensual and adult.

However, modern workplaces operate within a clear legal and cultural framework. The Equality Act 2010 places a duty on employers to prevent discrimination, harassment and victimisation. Recent strengthened expectations around preventing sexual harassment mean organisations must take proactive steps — not just reactive ones.

And this is where things become nuanced.

A relationship that is:

Consensual
Transparent where appropriate
Conducted professionally
Free from conflicts of interest

is rarely the issue.

The difficulty tends to arise when one (or more) of those elements is missing.

The Pros (Yes, There Are Some)

Let’s not pretend workplace relationships are inherently problematic. They can:

Improve engagement (having someone who genuinely understands your workday is powerful)
Increase retention (love may not conquer all, but it can influence job decisions)
Strengthen collaboration (shared context helps)
Add to a positive culture when handled maturely

People who build strong professional relationships often develop strong personal ones. The very qualities we look for in leaders — empathy, resilience, communication, integrity — are also qualities we value in partners.

Interesting, isn’t it?

The Cons (Particularly When It Goes Wrong)

Here is where HR tends to reach for the policy folder.

Challenges arise when:

There is a power imbalance (manager/direct report relationships are particularly sensitive)
Decisions about pay, promotion or performance could be perceived as biased
A relationship breakdown spills into the workplace
One party alleges harassment or coercion
Colleagues feel uncomfortable or excluded

And this is where the law and organisational culture intersect.

A consensual relationship can, if it ends badly, lead to allegations of harassment. Perception matters. So does power. So does evidence. So does behaviour.

That doesn’t mean relationships shouldn’t happen. It means adults need to behave like adults — and organisations need clear behavioural expectations.

Declare It or Keep It Quiet?

Many organisations have “close personal relationships” policies. These are not there to extinguish romance. They exist to manage risk — particularly conflicts of interest.

In practice, disclosure is usually relevant where:

There is a reporting line between the individuals
One party influences pay, promotion or performance
There is a regulatory requirement to manage conflicts

Outside of those scenarios, most relationships remain exactly what they should be — private.

The key principle?
If your judgement could reasonably be questioned, transparency protects everyone.

And When It Ends…

This is the bit we don’t put on the Valentine’s cards.

Breakups are hard. Whether the relationship began at work or elsewhere, the emotional cost is real. But when you still have to share meetings, projects or car parking spaces, maturity becomes essential.

This is where culture matters more than policy.

Organisations that:

Set clear behavioural expectations
Address inappropriate conduct quickly
Support individuals respectfully
Encourage adult conversations

are far more likely to navigate workplace relationship breakdowns without drama.

Three Things Leaders Should Keep in Mind

1. Clarity beats awkwardness.
Be clear about behavioural expectations before you need to be. Culture is easier to maintain than to repair.

Zero tolerance slogans are rarely as effective as calm, values-led leadership.

2. Power dynamics matter.
Where there is a reporting line or influence over pay and progression, transparency protects everyone — including the organisation.

3. Breakups need boundaries.
If a relationship ends, support both parties to remain professional. Avoid gossip. Avoid taking sides. Address behaviour, not emotion.

A steady, calm response from leadership sets the tone for everyone else.

A Final Thought

Relationships — professional and personal — are part of working life. We hire for people who can build them. We promote those who can sustain them. We value leaders who manage them well.

Perhaps the question isn’t “Should workplace romances happen?”

Perhaps it’s “How do we ensure that when they do, they are handled with integrity, professionalism and respect?”

And perhaps that’s the real point.

Workplaces are made up of human beings — not job titles, not org charts, not risk registers. Where humans gather, relationships will form. Some will be friendships. Some will be alliances. A few will be love stories.

Our role as leaders is not to extinguish the human element, but to shape a culture where respect, integrity and professionalism are non-negotiable — whatever the relationship status.

Because when culture is strong, even Cupid behaves responsibly.

And if you are going to say it with flowers — may I gently suggest avoiding the Valentine’s Day premium?

Reflection

Workplace relationships are not new — but the way we handle them says a great deal about our organisational maturity.

What’s your view? Have you seen office romances handled brilliantly… or disastrously?

(Names and departments not required!)

Embrace the Season of Good Intentions in 2026

As the tinsel, fairy lights and other festive detritus are once again packed away (and yes, I still suspect at least one of you owned a large inflatable something), it feels like the official end of Christmas — and, traditionally, the beginning of fixing ourselves.

But before we launch headfirst into that, we’ve just come through something different this year.

Instead of rushing from mince pies to massive resolutions, we spent 12 Days of Wellbeing checking in with ourselves — reflecting, pausing, noticing what we need rather than what we should do. And that changes how this next season feels.

Welcome to the Season of Good Intentions — 2026 edition.

You may know it by its more familiar name: the New Year Resolution. Although these days many of us prefer gentler terms — intentions, habits, resets, or simply experiments to see what helps.

Because if the last few years have taught us anything, it’s this: life has a habit of smiling politely at rigid plans.

We still use the space between Christmas and New Year to think about what we want more of — and less of. We still begin January full of good intentions, only to find that some of them quietly drift away by mid-month (or sooner, if we’re being honest).

Dry January?
Yes, I planned it again.
Yes, I still negotiated my start date.
Some traditions clearly refuse to die.

The challenge hasn’t changed. We remain caught between getting what we want (the outcome) and wanting what we get (the effort, repetition and patience required to reach it).

And it’s that middle bit — the doing — that so often trips us up.

The most common intentions are still familiar: get healthier, move more, spend less, stress less, be happier, be more present with family, work differently, live better.

What has changed is our understanding of why these things feel hard.

We now know wellbeing isn’t just about willpower. It’s about energy. Capacity. Boundaries. Sleep. Screens. Mental load. And the sheer number of decisions we make before we’ve even had our first cup of tea.

We also know that dramatic, all-or-nothing change rarely sticks.

Gyms still overflow in January and empty by February. Family diaries remain impossible to align. Dietary preferences continue to expand in ways no single cookbook can accommodate. Motivation still disappears precisely when life gets busy — which is, inconveniently, most of the time.

The statistics remain sobering, but here’s the good news: we are better informed now.

As a continuation of those 12 Days of Wellbeing, I’m approaching this Season of Good Intentions with a slightly different mindset — one rooted in a simple but powerful idea:

Start where you are. Do what you can.

Not where you think you should be. Not what someone else is managing.
Just where you are — today.

So here are a few updated thoughts I’m carrying into 2026:

Get specific, not heroic
Instead of “be healthier,” try “walk twice a week” or “add one extra vegetable a day.” Small, doable actions are far more persuasive than grand declarations.

Choose support, not solitude
Accountability doesn’t have to be strict — it just needs to be shared. A friend, a colleague, or a gentle “shall we?” can make all the difference.

Plan for real life, not ideal life
Your intention needs to survive tired days, busy weeks and unexpected interruptions. If it can’t flex, it won’t last.

Expect the wobble
Missing a day isn’t failure — it’s being human. You’re always allowed to restart without punishment.

Protect energy, not perfection
Sometimes the most powerful wellbeing decision is saying no, logging off, going to bed earlier, or choosing “good enough.”

This season isn’t about reinvention. It’s about intention with kindness.

A gentle reflection

As you step into the year ahead, you might ask yourself:

What feels genuinely important right now?
What is one small thing that would make life feel a little better?
What could I do consistently, even on a busy or difficult day?

You don’t need a long list. You don’t need a perfect plan. You just need a starting point.

So here’s my invitation — not to be perfect, but to be present, curious, and kind to yourself as you go.

Start where you are.
Do what you can.
Adjust as needed.

May 2026 be the year we not only get what we want — but truly come to want what we get.

Happy Season of Good Intentions ✨

I’d love to know — are you setting intentions this year, or simply seeing what works?

Time To Talk – small conversations about mental health have the power to make a big difference

Thursday, February 4 2021 is ‘Time to Talk’ day. Time to talk is important to all of us as together we can end mental health stigma.

Time to Talk Day – a day set aside by Time to Change, a growing social movement working to change the way we all think and act about mental health.

This year’s theme is “The Power of Small – small conversations which make a big difference”. As individuals, managers, people professionals, colleagues or friends, you know the power of those small “How are you doing?” moments and while you are asking those questions who is asking that of you?

A small conversation about mental health has the power to make a big difference.

We know that the more conversations we have, the more myths we can bust and barriers we can break down, helping to end the isolation, shame and worthlessness that too many people with mental health problems are made to feel.

Time to Talk Day is the day that we get everyone talking about mental health. If we all do our part and start a conversation today, together we can end stigma surrounding mental health.

Did you know that mental health problems affect one in four of us? Across the UK, (and whilst most people will say that coughs, colds and an upset tummy are the main causes of sickness) it is stress anxiety and depression that are now the most frequently listed reasons for absence. If you think about your workplace, and if like mine you employ around 1500 people that means as many as 375 of us could be experiencing poor mental health right now. If that is the case, don’t you think it’s odd that we still don’t really talk about it or know how to support our colleagues who are experiencing symptoms?

What is mental health? Mental health is just like physical health: we all have it and we need to take care of it. Good mental health means being generally able to think, feel and react in the ways that you need and want to live your life. But if you go through a period of poor mental health, you might find the ways you’re frequently thinking, feeling or reacting become difficult, or even impossible, to cope with. This can feel just as bad as a physical illness.

Time to Talk Day is all about bringing together the right ingredients, to have a conversation about mental health. Whether that’s tea, biscuits and close friends or a room or on-line call full of people challenging mental health stigma or simply asking a colleague if they are ok – we want everyone to get talking because having conversations about mental health helps break down stereotypes, improve relationships, aid recovery and takes the stigma out of something that affects us all. There are lots of different ways to have a conversation about mental health and you don’t have to be an expert to talk.

You can find out more about #timetotalk day by clicking here . The website is full of information and there are lots of free resources to help you get talking started in your own organisation or at home.

You can find out more about the mental health organisation Mind by clicking here

Who doesn’t like a good natter? Why not reach out and make talking count not just on #timetotalk day but every day. That small conversation has the power to make a big difference.

He Ain’t Heavy – he’s my brother…

He ain’t heavy he’s my brother….

So on we go
His welfare is my concern

No burden is he to bear

We’ll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

Lyrics by the Hollies

November 21 is National Carer’s Rights Day and whilst it seems there are ‘days’ for everything at the moment, this is one that resonates personally for me and for at least 6.5 million others in the UK. Why? Because that is the estimated number of people currently who are either full-time carers or have caring responsibilities. By the time you read this, the number will have increased as every day another 6,000 people take on a caring responsibility – that equals over 2 million people each year. Finding yourself with caring responsibilities is something very few of us have been able to plan for. From the very beginning the axis of your world tilts, there may be no conversations at all, simply because you don’t know what to say or who to ask or there may be conversations with health and social care professionals and providers; conversations with employers on how to juggle work with caring; how to deal with the intricacies of the benefits system or to consider how to fund future care costs. All of this whilst coming to terms with a new set of very personal responsibilities – caring for a loved one. Caring, being a carer or life after caring for someone and its effects, rather like menopause, addiction or mental health, is something of a taboo subject and as a result those providing the care are often overlooked, their own needs over-shadowed by the needs of those they care for. Carer’s often experience poor mental health as the responsibilities can sometimes feel overwhelming, bewildering and stressful.

Perhaps then the title of this blog should really be ‘he/she ain’t heavy, he/she is my brother/sister/mother/father/partner/child/friend/relative.

Who do I have caring responsibilities for? My son and for a while, also, my father. And like many, many others, juggling the demands of a growing family, a career and the myriad of ‘stuff’ which constitutes life today. Did I do it well? Sometimes. Did I get it wrong? Often. Did I cope? Most of the time – but not always.

In organisations, we collect information on the ‘characteristics’ of the workforce to inform our decisions but often overlook carers when we consider who may be impacted. If that is the case in your organisation, take a look at the facts and figures to see the compelling argument for including ‘caring responsibilities’ in your workforce characteristics.

5 million people in the UK are juggling caring responsibilities with work – that’s 1 in 7 of the workforce.
58% of carers are women and 42% are men.
1.3 million people provide over 50 hours of care per week.
Over 1 million people care for more than one person

Did you know that carers save the economy £132 billion per year, an average of £19,336 per carer – however, the significant demands of caring mean that 600 people give up work every day to care for an older or disabled relative. There are now more ‘carers’ over the age of 65 providing care to relatives and loved ones over the age of 85.

In demographics terms, the majority of carers are below state pension age and the peak age for caring is 50 – 64 years old. According to the CarersUK survey, over 2 million people are in this age bracket are carers. Almost 1.3 million people in England aged 65 or over are carers.

You can read more in the full report here: carersuk.org/stateofcaring-report

There are a growing number of ‘sandwich carers’. These are people who care for an older or disabled loved one at the same time as they have young children. The ONS (Office for National Statistics) analysis using the Understanding Society dataset suggests that 3% (equivalent to more than 1.3 million people) of the UK general population now have this win responsibility. Disturbingly, almost 27% of ‘sandwich carers’ shows symptoms of mental ill-health while caring for both sick, disabled or older relatives and children. The peak age for these two family responsibilities to coincide is 40-44 for women and 45-49 for men. It is women who are more likely to face the pressure of simultaneously shouldering responsibility for young and old, usually at a time when they are reaching the peak of their career.

Tragically, there are more than 166,000 young carers aged 5-17 in the UK. Young carers can be as young as 6 years old and as many as 27% of young carers miss school and are dealing with things most people don’t experience until adulthood if ever. You can learn more about young carers here.

https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/…/facts-you-might-not-know-about-young-carers

So what can be done?

In my organisation we employ approx. 1400 people and in support of carers in our workforce have started a carers group, we don’t know what to call it yet and that will be for the group to decide. It might not need a name but what it does do is provide a safe space to come together during the working day and the opportunity for our people to know they are not alone. We have made the commitment to support this group and to consider their needs when we review policies, working practices or make changes within the organisation. In short we are giving this group a voice and something and someone to lean on when and if they need it. Our people are valuable to us so why wouldn’t we? What are you doing in your organisation?

Everyone’s caring responsibility is different. Whether you are a new carer or have been caring for someone for a while it is important that you understand your rights and are able to access the support that is available to you as soon as you need it. You can find out more here https://www.carersuk.org/news-and-campaigns/carers-rights-day

Don’t care alone – there is help.

Carers UK is a charity led by carers, for carers and their mission is to make life easier for those who have caring responsibilities. They give expert advice, information and support. You can reach them at www.carersuk.org.

Hello darkness my old friend……..

Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly, creeping
Left its seeds while I was, sleeping
And the vision, that was planted in my brain… still remains
Within the sound of silence

Lyrics by Simon & Garfunkel

Today, September 10, 2019 is National Suicide Prevention Day. It seems to be the right time to share part of Sarah’s story. We will all know a Sarah. You might know her by another name and the story may be a little different but the importance of looking after our mental health will be the same.

It was a beautiful day, Sarah felt it was probably the best day she had known filled with fun, friends and family. Yet when feeling at her strongest she was also at her most vulnerable. Like an uninvited and insignificant guest at an event, the proverbial ‘specter at the feast’, ‘it’ arrived unnoticed, unannounced and made itself comfortable. It was not invited nor was it encouraged. It was a little like having a small stone in your shoe, irritating but nothing to worry about. And there it remained waiting and patient in the depths of her mind. It waited until a small insignificant trigger was tripped (in Sarah’s case it was office banter about her shape and size and eating the pies) and silently it began to take control. Slowly, slowly at first, covering the light that was Sarah with its shadows. The changes were so small and subtle to begin with that even those closest to her failed to notice or question that Sarah wasn’t really Sarah anymore. Sarah herself knew but felt it was a turning point in her life, her interests had changed, her needs were different, she didn’t seem to fit with her group anymore, couldn’t have the same conversations. In short she didn’t enjoy their company anymore, she felt isolated and alone and no-one understood. Except for the voices in her head. The voices that had been in the shadows for a long time now made their entrance. They understood her and comforted her, they agreed with her when she stopped eating, they encouraged her when she began to hurt herself. Sometimes, the shadows would fade and Sarah would feel bereft. This often happened when Sarah’s family enveloped her in their togetherness. The emotion, security and joy this once gave her now made her feel claustrophobic and nauseous and she longed to escape back to her shadows and to be wrapped in the sour blanket they provided. Each time she returned to them they gathered in force until they were no longer shadows but a deep impenetrable darkness. There she stayed until one day, much like any other, she waited until everyone’s day was underway and all was in order she simply closed the door on life, never to return.

Mental health problems affect one in four of us, yet people are still afraid to talk about it. Look around you, it could be closer to you than you know.

If you need data to convince you that it is time to take positive action on mental health in your workplace, your community, your friends and family, the data from the Samaritans tells an alarming story. Last year in the UK, there were 6,507 suicides, a rise of 11.8% on the previous year. Men are three times as likely to die by suicide than women. The highest suicide rate is among men aged 45-49. The rate of deaths among under 25s increased by 23.7%, to 730 deaths in 2018.

Events like, Time to Talk Day and Mental Health Awareness Week are all about bringing together the right ingredients, to have a conversation about mental health. But why wait until then? Why not make tomorrow the day when, if you know someone is struggling or suffering in some way, reach out to them and just talk to them. You could be exactly what they need.

Sharing the love…….

February 14, Valentine’s Day. Everyone loves it apparently, well mostly retailers or those with, or with their eye on, a significant other. But not it seems the HR Functions in many organisations! I watched today as couples came to work together, a steady flow of flowers (mostly roses) got delivered, smiles were exchanged, mobile devices were alive with messages and a general glow of warmth was bringing out the romantic in a lot of people. For those who like to garden, if on a day like today, you add a little sprinkle of workplace compost to the general good mood you have the perfect growing medium for Cupid’s arrows. It doesn’t take too much effort to then launch them across the office and before you can say ‘hearts and flowers’ they set strong roots in the workplace.

We spend a lot of time at work. We spend a lot of our working time with people who share our values, are committed to the same aims and who ‘get us’ and understand the demands and challenges our roles can through at us. We can quite happily spend every day with these people (or at least some of them!) and then go onto socialise with them outside of the workplace. Is there any wonder then that many long-term relationships are kindled in the workplace? If you met your significant other at work then you are in good company. According to the research almost 60% of relationships start exactly there! Perhaps that is why good work is good for us. To be fair, there are also statistics which state the same amount end there but that’s for another day!

There are no laws against an office romance and when a close personal relationship develops which is consensual, conducted privately and without impact on the business why does HR or anyone else for that matter need to know let alone write a policy which says that such a relationship needs to be ‘declared’ or ‘disclosed’. I worked with a colleague once who made a point of reporting to HR on a weekly basis with details of the latest relationship. It was done for effect and to prove a point. HR didn’t do anything with the information or take any action they simply filed it in line with the policy. I chose the words carefully. At the risk of repeating myself I said relationships which are consensual, conducted privately and without impact on the business. In my experience people are generally professional and act with integrity. Most people believe their private life is exactly that – not for public consumption. If they feel there is a conflict of interest, in particular where their judgement may be called into question over a decision relating to their ‘significant other’ then they make sure their professionalism and reputation, like Caeser’s wife, is beyond reproach. Now of course things can get messy but is that any different to other forms of relationship in the workplace? How many times have you encountered a cohesive and performing team begin to dysfunction when one of the team gets promoted and goes from being team member to team leader? Or when organisational change isn’t handled well and previously harmonious and supportive colleagues find themselves in a competitive interview for a reducing number of posts. Conflict happens but rather than taking a zero-tolerance approach we need to develop our organisational culture to clearly set out, demonstrate and support the behaviours we expect to see in any situation. If relationships or conflicts develop then colleagues need to know what behaviours are and are not acceptable in the workplace. If it’s not acceptable then simply say it’s not how we behave here. No threats just a respectful and adult conversation. If the relationship breaks down, whether its inside or outside of the workplace, colleagues need to be supported to manage the emotional cost so that they can remain professional and productive at work.

Relationships, whether personal or professional, are part of working life. The ability to build productive relationships is often a skill we seek in prospective candidates or for future leaders. The traits and skills we develop in our colleagues are often the traits and skills we most seek in our partners. Interesting isn’t it?

And did you see the price of roses today? Just as relationships can develop or end any day of the year – if you are going to ‘say it with flowers’ at work or outside probably best to avoid the Valentine’s Day premium!

Working 9 – 5……..

Working 9 – 5……….

Let me start by saying a very belated Happy New Year to you all. I don’t know if, like me, getting back into the swing of things after the holidays was both a bit of a challenge and something of a relief! I am sure I am not alone in being conditioned into the early morning alarm, morning commute and no spare minute in the day routine of the working week – sound familiar? So, to have, for me anyway what felt like, a long break which didn’t include any of those made me realise how easily I became attached to my new bed linen and that I could happily stay wrapped in it for hours! Anyway, I digress….. My first work activity of 2019 was to welcome a group of new staff into the organisation.

Apart from the importance of a good induction into a new organisational environment and a sound orientation with a new team; working today often means joining a team with a greater range of ages than we have experienced before. Depending on age, you may find that your new manager is a millennial; your co-workers are Generation X or Y and there is a healthy pool of Baby Boomers to add flavour to the rich mix! Today’s teams often resemble more of an ‘every generation family photo’ than a workplace!

This started me thinking. I read an article recently which stated ‘as more ‘boomers’ work past retirement age and as tech-savvy millennials continue to graduate and enter the workforce, the stark differences in the values, communication styles and work habits of each generation are becoming increasingly pronounced’ . I might have agreed with that once but now I am not sure that I do.

In my view, every person comes into the working environment with different life experiences, perspectives and views, all of which are valuable to the organisation in one way or another and help create its culture. Surely having varying perspectives and different lenses on the world helps us see more of the landscape and where we (our products, goods and services) sit in it?

The article went on to say that to keep ‘millennials’ happy the office should be strewn with bean bags (yes you can still buy them!), snooker tables, slot machines and free mineral water. Strangely, the ‘millennials’ in my household and the people I work with couldn’t disagree more!

Communications in the multi-generational workplace are also highlighted as a key issue. Apparently, Generation Y sends text messages, tweets and instant messages to communicate, while baby boomers and older Gen Xers tend to prefer phone calls and emails. Throw in that younger workers tend to use abbreviations, informal language and colloquialisms, and this is a recipe for a comms breakdown! To me is spells confusion as I use all of them, depending on who I am communicating with, so am no longer clear on which generation I fit into!

In my experience, all staff, irrespective of age, want to feel valued and to be able to say they are proud to work for the organisation. They want autonomy in the way they perform tasks and expect support and challenge in equal measure. People want to have meaningful work and to feel rewarded for what they do well and the contribution they make. They want to feel respected and to enjoy the company of the team they spend time with. It doesn’t matter what age or generation they are – its universal!

If the main drivers for engagement for people are not just the perks but more the things I have said, perhaps it’s not the multi-generational workforce that is the problem but it’s our organisational operating models are out of date. In my own organisation, we recognise that the services we deliver were created at a time when society was in a very different place. Problems within families don’t happen between the normal hours and yet we still try to confine our working hours to 9-5. Agile working within a rigid system is a real challenge.

How do you approach multi-generational workforces and agile working in your organisation? This will be the discussion point at our next HR Leaders Forum and I hope you will join us to add your experiences to the debate. A banquet of ideas that will help all of us create great workplaces. If there are other HR Leaders in your networks who would like to join us, please feel to invite them along!

And because I am multi-generational myself – if u wnt 2 connect – u cn find me on uk.linkedin.com/in/karen-sanders-3778061 |twitter @ksandersHR

Until next time

Karen

Tell me….exactly what is it that you do?

I can remember being asked this question a long time ago when as a new HR Director, I walked purposefully into my first board meeting and proudly towards my seat at the top table only to find that the board members hadn’t any idea what I was there ‘to do’ and as I didn’t have any items on the agenda what was I going to contribute to this very important and high level meeting! HR was a relatively new concept at this point, people understood ‘personnel’ and ‘touchy feelie issues and tissues’ but nothing around strategy, impact and dare I say it, financial acumen! It came sharply back into my mind recently when I was asked if a colleague (one of our apprentices) could shadow me for a few days because what I ‘did’ (and I am not sure what he thought I did) looked like ‘fun’ but to him, importantly, it was clear that people in the organisation knew me, liked me and listened to me. As he put it ‘good stuff just happens when you are around’ and to help his career he wanted to be able to do that. Praise indeed!

Believe me, I know the value of well-planned activities whether that be an attraction campaign, a board meeting, an event or a courageous conversation with a member of staff, but I made the decision not to plan or engineer the time, just to let it flow and see where it went. The few days turned into a week and to be honest for most of the time I forgot I had a shadow and so what he observed during that time was me doing what I do in a natural state. At the end of the week, having remembered my shadow and also my professional manners, I asked for some ‘how was it for you’ feedback. What do you know now that you didn’t know before and what will you do with the new knowledge? There was a blank stare and a few moments of uncomfortable silence before he said ‘I am exhausted! Not the actual word used but for blog-ability purposes I have changed it so as not to cause offence! He continued, ‘I had absolutely no idea about the scale and complexity of the things we do here and the reach across it and through it that your role has. HR is nothing like I thought it was (policies, procedures, recruiting, smiling, sacking a bit of training) in fact HR is not HR at all! HR is like a pump pushing the energy flow through the organisation; like a conductor in the orchestra. ‘Well that’s exactly right ’ I replied ‘there are around 3,000 people here so it’s important that there are no blockages in the machinery and our orchestra has the right instruments and the right score to play today. Tomorrow it may be very different.

My apprentice has decided that HR is the direction of career travel he wants to take and to help him and any other aspiring HR types at whatever stage of their career my four key pieces of ‘learnt experience’ are:-

Be the Custodian of the Culture: Chose the organisation or sector you want to work in carefully, don’t be drawn just by salary (although it is attractive!) or hype or even job title! Look at what HR’s role is and see if that matches what you want to do in terms of improving work and working lives. If its only about developing policies, procedures and ensuring compliance with them and you are all about organisational design or employee engagement it will not be a good fit. Do the values or mission of the organisation match your values. Importantly, does it do what it says on the tin – HR will need to ensure that the values flow through the organisation to create energy, momentum and success.

Be Visible: Don’t assume that people know what you do or what HR is there for in your organisation. You and HR need to be visible, not remote or swooping in like the policy police when something is going wrong. The impact you have should be as visible as you are. Don’t leap in and do ‘HR’ – that is a little like joining a protest and then announcing your intention not to take part! We are about business improvement and creating the conditions where success can happen and that should be obvious to all who see you. Be useful in the broadest sense, use your abilities to help, advise and solve organisational challenges. As our apprentice put it ‘you are the conductor of the orchestra’ so chose your music wisely, pick your musicians with care and conduct well.

Be Valuable: Know, understand and respect your organisation, watch the rhythm and see it through the eyes of your Chief Exec, Board and Senior Leaders – understand the challenges and opportunities and how the numbers add up – then apply it through the lens of the roles the workforce need to perform. Use the traits that make you personally valuable, specialist knowledge, skills, the ability to influence, connect and open doors, the reliability factor that means you will keep to commitments and follow through. And perhaps most importantly, behave ethically and be trusted and own what you do.

And finally –

Be Likeable: Be the person that is key to projects, actions and fun. They all sit together in terms of ‘organisational fit’. It doesn’t mean compromising your values (which should resonate with those of the organisation) or pandering to people who don’t agree with you or are assertive in their views. Being likeable is about credibility, integrity and influence. Once you have developed those, your ability to influence will grow and the organisation will feel the impact and know ‘exactly what it is that you do’!

Karen has worked in both the public and private sectors for over 20 years working at executive level to develop and innovate the orgnaisation’s HR & OD Strategies. Her background in industry includes 10 years in the event and leisure sector where she organised, managed and resourced major outdoor events. Before joining her current organisation as HR Director, Karen held the roles of National Director, Employment Policy and Services, Group Director – Human Resources & Organisational Development and Executive Director – Human Resources . Under her guidance, Karen has successfully led her organisations through IIP, IiD and Best Companies Accreditation and achieving a place in the top third of the Sunday Times Best Places to Work list. Karen is a regular contributor to HR publications and is in demand as a speaker on best practice and innovation in human resource management and employee engagement. When she isn’t ‘doing what she does’ Karen is also a Non-executive Director for the Northamptonshire based St Thomas of Canterbury Academy Trust, an Enterprise Adviser for SEMLEP and a mentor with the Northamptonshire CIPD Mentor programme.