Hello darkness, my old friend…

“Hello darkness, my old friend…”
— Paul Simon, The Sound of Silence

Tomorrow, 10 September 2026, is World Suicide Prevention Day.

This year marks the final year of the three-year theme Changing the Narrative on Suicide, with a simple call to action: Start the Conversation.

It feels like the right time to share part of Sarah’s story again.

We may all know a Sarah. Her name may be different and her story will be her own, but the darkness she experienced may feel painfully familiar to more people than we realise.

It had been a beautiful day. Sarah felt it was perhaps one of the best she had known, filled with friends, family and laughter. Yet, even as she appeared to be at her strongest, she was becoming vulnerable to something others could not see.

The darkness did not arrive with an announcement. It entered quietly, like an uninvited guest slipping unnoticed into a crowded room.

At first, it seemed almost insignificant: a troubling thought, a small stone in her shoe. Irritating, perhaps, but surely nothing to worry about. It waited patiently in the shadows until a seemingly casual comment — in Sarah’s case, office banter about body shape and size — gave it somewhere to take hold.

Slowly, it began to obscure the light that was Sarah.

The changes were so small and subtle that even those closest to her did not immediately recognise what was happening. Sarah knew she no longer felt like herself, but struggled to understand or explain it. Her interests changed. Familiar conversations became difficult. She began to withdraw from the people who cared about her.

She felt isolated and alone.

The thoughts that had lingered in the shadows became louder. They reinforced her fears and encouraged behaviours that harmed her. Sometimes the darkness would recede, particularly when her family surrounded her with their love and togetherness. But the security and joy she had once found there could now feel overwhelming. She withdrew further, returning to the familiarity of the shadows.

Eventually, those shadows became an apparently impenetrable darkness.

One day, much like any other, Sarah died by suicide.

Those words remain deeply painful to write.

Sarah was loved. She had friends, family and people who would have wanted to help. But love does not always make psychological distress visible, and it does not automatically give someone the words they need to describe what is happening inside them.

Suicide is complex. It rarely has one cause, one trigger or one moment at which everything could easily have been made right. We should be careful not to place responsibility on one conversation, one person or one missed sign.

But that does not mean we are powerless.

The latest confirmed figures tell us that 6,190 suicides were registered in England and Wales during 2024. The suicide rate among men remained around three times the rate among women. Behind every number is a person, and around every person are families, friends, colleagues and communities whose lives are permanently changed.

World Suicide Prevention Day asks us to change the narrative: to move away from silence, stigma and shame and towards openness, understanding and support.

That change must happen in our workplaces as well as in our homes and communities.

It means creating cultures in which people can say, “I’m not coping,” without fearing judgement or damage to their careers. It means taking harmful workplace banter seriously rather than dismissing it as harmless fun. It means equipping managers to listen and respond appropriately. It means providing access to professional support — and recognising that a wellbeing poster or an annual awareness event is not a substitute for a healthy and humane working environment.

It also means being willing to ask someone how they really are — and being prepared to stay for the answer.

If you are worried about someone, you do not need perfect words. You might begin with:

“I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself. How are things really?”

If you believe they may be thinking about suicide, it is all right to ask directly:

“Are you thinking about suicide?”

Asking the question will not put the idea into someone’s mind. It can give them permission to speak about something they have been carrying alone.

Listen without judgement. Take what they say seriously. Do not promise to keep suicidal thoughts secret, and do not feel that you must solve everything yourself. Help them connect with professional or emergency support and, where possible, stay with them while that happens.

Awareness days matter because they create a moment in which we can talk. But people do not experience distress according to an awareness calendar.

So please do not wait for another special day.

Start a conversation. Make space for an honest answer. Keep checking in after the immediate moment has passed. And help to create a workplace, family or community in which asking for help is understood as an act of courage rather than weakness.

We cannot always see the darkness someone else is carrying.

But together, we can make it less difficult to speak from within it.

If you need help now

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.

You can call Samaritans free on 116 123, at any time of the day or night.

In England, you can call NHS 111 and select the mental health option for urgent mental health support.

You can also speak to your GP or another healthcare professional. You do not have to wait until things become unbearable before asking for help.

#hrleaders, #mentalhealth, #suicideawareness #timetotalk, #wellbeing, #mentalwellbeing, #reflection

How I Spent My Summer… or How a Staycation Became a Full-Time Job

At the beginning of the summer, we had a plan.

We had a precious few weeks between work projects and, after what had been a particularly busy period, we decided that what we really needed was a break.

No complicated itinerary. No deadlines. Fewer Teams calls. Just some time at home, enjoying the garden, tending the veg plot and generally slowing down.

It was going to be our staycation.

Looking back, this may have been our first strategic error.

Because somewhere between sowing a few seeds in spring and deciding to “grow a bit more ourselves this year”, the veg plot appears to have undergone a hostile takeover.

And I think I may have become employed by it!

It started innocently enough

There is something wonderfully optimistic about planting seeds.

You put these tiny things into compost, water them and wait.

At first, nothing happens.

Then a tiny green shoot appears and you become ridiculously excited.

“Look! The courgettes are coming up!”

A few months later, you are standing in the kitchen holding a courgette approximately the dimensions of a small submarine and wondering whether anyone in the family would notice if you left it anonymously on their doorstep.

This summer has produced courgettes, cucumbers, onions, tomatoes, aubergines, squash, runner beans, herbs, figs and soft fruit in quantities I hadn’t entirely anticipated.

Even our elderly grapevine, apparently inspired by the general atmosphere of productivity, has joined in.

Our very old pear trees started dropping fruit with such enthusiasm that protective engineering measures were required to prevent the crops below being subjected to aerial bombardment.

And then came the heat.

When watering becomes a lifestyle

The seemingly endless heatwaves changed everything.

Watering became a major logistical operation.

Plants that looked perfectly content in the morning could be dramatically wilting by teatime. Vegetables seemed to ripen almost as quickly as we could pick them.

There was no longer any question of:

“Shall we do anything in the veg plot today?”

Instead:

“Right. What’s the priority?”

Water. Harvest. Water again. Pick courgettes. Check cucumbers. Pick tomatoes. Check squash.

Investigate suspicious bamboo activity. Water again.

Somewhere in there, apparently, we were meant to be resting.

Engineering entered the equation

Growing vegetables, I have discovered, requires considerably more structural engineering expertise than the seed packets suggest.

The squash grew. And grew. And grew. The supports began to groan. So the squash were given hammocks.

There were bamboo constructions. Nets. Supports. Reinforcements. At one stage old tights were considered a perfectly reasonable horticultural material, although the Head Gardener was less convinced about their contribution to the aesthetics of his engineering.

Then we discovered bamboo shoots appearing at the other end of the plot, many yards from where the bamboo began.

Apparently, while our attention was diverted by rampant cucumbers, the bamboo had launched its own expansion programme.

I recognise scope creep when I see it.

The dress code also changed

One of the unexpected pleasures of stepping away from work has been abandoning the normal morning routine. No standing in front of the wardrobe wondering what to wear. No make-up. No carefully sorted hair. No need to look remotely presentable for a screen full of people at 9am.

Garden dress code is much simpler. Are these clothes already dirty? Excellent. They’ll do.

The same gardening clothes can apparently be worn for several consecutive days, provided you don’t stand too close to anyone who isn’t also gardening!

And occasionally the shower has been postponed on the entirely rational grounds that there seems little point getting clean immediately before spending another six hours becoming filthy again.

It has been surprisingly liberating!

Until, of course, the first unexpected Teams call appeared in the diary and required a rapid transformation back into someone vaguely recognisable from my professional life. That was perhaps the first warning that normality was coming back.

Then the harvest became a catering operation

I’ve baked. I’ve roasted. I’ve frozen. I’ve pickled. I’ve made pesto. I’ve made sauces. I’ve made courgette loaf. I’ve made soup.

I’ve made parmigiana from aubergines, courgettes, last year’s homemade tomato sauce, fresh basil and whatever cheese happened to be in the fridge.

Tomatoes have been slow roasted in industrial quantities. Beans have been blanched.

Blackcurrants have found their way into vodka, which is quietly maturing and may prove to be the most effective crop-management strategy of the entire summer.

And still the vegetables kept coming.

We gave them to friends. We gave them to neighbours. We gave them to family.

People went home clutching bags of vegetables they hadn’t necessarily intended to acquire.

I began to suspect some friends were checking through the window before knocking in case we answered the door holding a courgette.

I even managed to include a particularly enormous specimen when selling some old strawberry planters. Apparently my professional influencing skills haven’t entirely deserted me.

And then Ray the Beagle, normally a creature with very clear views about what constitutes an acceptable treat, ate cucumber !

We had reached that stage.

Because obviously, there were also bees

Earlier in the year we inherited some beehives and began learning about beekeeping.

As if we didn’t have enough to do.

We hired a spinner and harvested the combs.

Watching that first beautiful golden honey flow was extraordinary.

Eventually, 49 jars of honey were sitting proudly on the table — the product of the bees, and a collaboration between two households.

Naturally, this also produced a bucket of wax cappings requiring further processing because apparently nothing in our world is ever actually finished.

The Head Gardener is now planning beeswax polish.

He has also built the hives a bee patio. In torrential rain. I have stopped asking questions.

And apparently we renovate buildings too

Because between watering, harvesting, preserving and beekeeping, the Head Gardener decided the old summer house (it is far from as grand as it sounds!) needed attention.

It was reroofed, resealed and given power so that we now have somewhere to sit as autumn arrives.

The grapevine continued ripening.

And, in one of the more extraordinary moments of the summer, our banana plant produced a flower.

At some point you simply have to accept that the garden has taken control of the narrative.

We did eventually take a break – Towards the end of August, we managed something radical. We went away. Actually away.

There was, inevitably, the small matter of who would water everything while we were gone. Instructions were given. Responsibilities allocated. Trusted people were left in charge.

And we departed for a few days of sunshine, white sand and blue water.

Finally, no vegetables.

Except one morning on the beach, I noticed the Head Gardener drawing something elaborate in the sand.

For one brief romantic moment I wondered whether it might be a declaration of undying love. Perhaps a heart? Perhaps our initials?

No.

He had drawn two alternative planting plans for next year — one for another hot summer and one for typical UK weather.

You can leave the courgettes. Apparently, the courgettes never entirely leave you.

And now we’re back

The meetings are returning to the diary. The work projects are ramping up. The laptop is increasingly replacing the watering can.

And suddenly the familiar world of programmes, deadlines, meetings and organisational challenges is reappearing.

But the garden hasn’t received the memo.

There are still tomatoes. Still aubergines. Still cucumbers. Still squash.

And we’re likely to be harvesting well into September and perhaps October.

Yesterday I made soup from one of our beautiful onion squash. It was delicious.

I carefully removed the seeds and thought perhaps I should dry them and save them for next year. A whole field of squash. What could possibly go wrong? I decided instead to toast some of the seeds.

Unfortunately, I hadn’t noticed that my new pan still had protective backing paper attached to its base. There was smoke. There would shortly have been flames had I not turned around.

Perhaps the universe was trying to tell me that one veg plot is enough.

So, was it a break? Strangely, yes.

It wasn’t restful in the conventional sense. We worked ridiculously hard. We were hot, tired, frequently grubby and occasionally completely overwhelmed by vegetables.

And yet I feel restored.

Perhaps because a break doesn’t necessarily mean doing nothing.

Sometimes it means doing something completely different.

My working life involves people, organisations, transformation, meetings, decisions and problems whose solutions are rarely immediate or tangible.

The garden has problems too. But they’re different problems. A collapsing squash support can be reinforced. A glut of tomatoes can become sauce. Blackcurrants can become Christmas vodka. A bucket of honey can become 49 jars.

And an enormous courgette can nearly always be inflicted on somebody else.

You can see what you’ve achieved.

Sometimes you can eat it. Occasionally you can drink it. And sometimes you have to extinguish it.

There are probably management lessons buried throughout our summer: adaptability, resilience, resource planning, delegation, managing unexpected growth and knowing when the original plan needs to change.

But perhaps the lesson I want to take back to work is simpler than that.

Stopping doesn’t always have to mean doing nothing.

Sometimes we need to step out of one version of ourselves for a while.

To wear dirty clothes. To lose track of what day it is. To make something. To grow something.

To laugh when the plan goes spectacularly wrong.

And to spend our energy on something that has absolutely nothing to do with our professional lives.

Our staycation became a mammoth job. And somehow, it gave us exactly the break we needed.

Although next year, when the Head Gardener suggests we grow “just a few courgettes”…

I shall be referring him back to his planting plan.

The one he drew on the beach.

Don’t Care Alone

Reflections for Carers Week

“He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother.”

Many people will recognise those words from the Hollies’ famous song. For me, they capture something important about caring.

Not the burden.

The commitment.

The love.

The determination to keep going, even when the path ahead feels uncertain.

As Carers Week reminds us, caring responsibilities touch far more lives than many people realise. Across the UK, millions of people provide unpaid care and support for a family member, partner, friend or neighbour. Many do so alongside jobs, families and the countless other demands of everyday life.

The reality is that very few people plan to become carers.

One day life is proceeding as expected. The next, you are navigating medical appointments, social care services, financial concerns, workplace commitments and difficult conversations that you never imagined having.

The axis of your world shifts.

One of the realities of caring is that the practical responsibilities are only part of the story.

Alongside the appointments, paperwork and day-to-day support sits another question that many carers carry quietly for years:

What happens if something happens to me?

For parents of children with disabilities, for those supporting ageing relatives, and for countless others, there can be an underlying concern about the future.

Who will provide support?

Who will advocate on their behalf?

Who will understand their needs as well as I do?

These are not questions that come with easy answers, but they are questions that many carers think about far more often than people realise.

For me, caring has been a significant part of my life. My son has autism and associated learning difficulties and, for a period of time, I was also caring for my father. Like many others, I found myself balancing caring responsibilities alongside family life, work commitments and everything else that life chooses to throw at us.

Caring responsibilities rarely affect just one person.

They ripple through families.

My son has two brothers, one older and one younger, who grew up either side of him. Like many siblings of children with complex and additional needs, they learned patience, understanding and acceptance at a very early age. They also learned that life is not always equal.

There were activities we couldn’t do because their brother’s needs had to come first. There were moments when people stared because they didn’t understand. There were situations that required explanations far beyond their years.

Yet there were positives too.

Their friends grew up understanding difference long before terms such as neurodiversity became part of everyday conversation. They learned that people communicate differently, behave differently and experience the world differently.

I often say that we were a family with a child with multiple additional needs, not a disabled family.

And whilst caring responsibilities undoubtedly shaped all of our lives, I believe they also taught lessons about empathy, inclusion and understanding that have stayed with us ever since.

Did I always get it right?

No.

Did I cope?

Most of the time.

Did I sometimes feel overwhelmed?

Absolutely.

And I suspect many carers would recognise those feelings.

Caring rarely follows a neat or predictable path. Responsibilities change over time. Some people find themselves caring for a child, an ageing parent or a partner. Others find themselves supporting those who are carers themselves. The journey often evolves in ways we could never have anticipated and brings challenges that no amount of planning can fully prepare us for.

As children grow into adults, many carers find themselves navigating a very different landscape. The support systems that existed during childhood can become harder to access, and the future can feel less certain just at the point when long-term planning becomes most important.

One of the challenges carers face is that they can become invisible. The needs of the person receiving care quite rightly receive attention, but the wellbeing of the person providing that care can often be overlooked.

Many carers experience stress, anxiety, exhaustion and isolation. Others worry about the impact caring may have on their career, finances or future opportunities.

Yet despite the challenges, carers contribute enormously to society, communities and the economy. Without them, many health and social care systems would simply be unable to cope.

This is why organisations have an important role to play.

We spend a great deal of time understanding the diversity of our workforce, but caring responsibilities are often less visible than other characteristics. Unless we ask, we may never know who is balancing work with caring responsibilities at home.

Supporting carers does not always require complex solutions.

Sometimes it starts with understanding.

A conversation.

A supportive manager.

Flexible working arrangements.

A carers network.

A recognition that people’s lives do not begin and end when they arrive at work.

In a previous organisation, we established a carers group to provide a safe space for colleagues to connect, share experiences and support one another. What mattered was not the name of the group. What mattered was that people knew they were not alone.

And perhaps that is the most important message of all.

Whether you have recently become a carer or have been caring for someone for many years, you do not have to navigate the journey alone.

Support exists.

Advice is available.

And there are others who understand exactly what you are experiencing.

Because caring can sometimes feel isolating.

But carers should never have to care alone.

For information, advice and support, visit Carers UK at www.carersuk.org.

🗑 HR Room 101

https://imageio.forbes.com/blogs-images/melodywilding/files/2016/07/25171647513_6b0b60af59_z.jpg?fit=bounds&height=428&width=640

The Language We’re Ready to Retire

There comes a moment in every profession when it needs to gently clear out the cupboard.

HR is no different.

We talk about culture, clarity and connection — yet sometimes our language does the exact opposite. Somewhere between “leaning in” and “circling back”, we’ve built a dialect that sounds strategic… but often feels slippery.

And if we’re honest?
We may have started trying to out-lingo each other.

When HR Starts Speaking a Different Language

I recently attended a dinner described as a “networking opportunity.”
(There’s another phrase we may want to quietly retire.)

A fellow HR leader — operating at a similar level — spoke fluently for 20 minutes.

Fluently.
Confidently.
Impressively.

I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

The sentences were long.
The nouns were abstract.
The verbs were energetic.

But the meaning? Elusive.

It struck me that somewhere along the way, some of us have started using language to signal seniority rather than clarity.

Boards do it too. “Double down.” “Strategic leverage.” “Reach in.” “Optimise the narrative.”

But when HR joins that arms race, something important happens.

The language gap between HR and the business widens.
And sometimes, the gap between senior HR and their own teams widens too.

Early-career colleagues start wondering whether they’ve missed a translation manual.
Mid-career professionals hesitate to ask for clarity.
And line managers nod politely while quietly thinking, “What exactly am I supposed to do differently?”

🚗 The HR Car Park: Where Ideas Go to Rest (and Rarely Return)

At a conference some years ago, a facilitator confidently announced:

“Let’s just park that idea in the HR car park.”

I was handed a yellow Post-it note.

And then… nothing.

No instructions.
No explanation.
Just raised eyebrows in the general direction of a flip chart.

For a fleeting moment, I considered sticking the Post-it to my own face and standing by the wall like a decorative washing line.

Eventually, I realised I was meant to write my thought on it and “park” it on the flip chart.

Which I dutifully did.

At the end of the session, did we return to the car park?
Did we retrieve our carefully parked insights?
Did we reflect on the collective wisdom?

No.

The facilitator rolled up the flip chart and walked off with it — apparently taking all our parked ideas with them.

And that, perhaps, is the risk of jargon without clarity.

We go through the motions.
We use the language.
We signal participation.

But nothing meaningful happens next.

Why Do We Do It?

Periods of uncertainty tend to amplify this behaviour.

When expectations rise.
When regulation shifts.
When the landscape feels complex.

Jargon can become armour.
If we sound authoritative, perhaps we’ll feel it.

But authority built on complexity isn’t as powerful as authority built on clarity.

So… Who Goes to HR Room 101?

A few gentle nominations:

❌ “Let’s park that and circle back.”
➡ “This matters. Let’s agree when we’ll decide.”

❌ “We’re operationalising the strategic people agenda.”
➡ “Here’s what managers will need to do differently.”

❌ “Let’s double down.”
➡ “Is this working — and what evidence do we have?”

❌ “It’s a culture piece.”
➡ “What behaviours are we reinforcing?”

❌ “Let’s socialise this.”
➡ “Who needs to be involved early?”

And perhaps a soft jet-wash for:

“Seat at the table.”
“Authentic leadership.”
“Bring your whole self to work.”

Not because the intention is wrong — but because the execution sometimes drifts.

We talk about authentic leadership — yet occasionally hide behind borrowed language.

We encourage people to bring their whole selves to work — yet reward those who speak the most fluent corporate dialect.

And we proudly claim our seat at the table — but credibility is not earned through vocabulary.
It’s earned through value.

Why This Actually Matters

This isn’t about banning phrases or policing vocabulary.

It’s about remembering who we are.

HR is at its best when it translates complexity into clarity.
When it takes board ambition and turns it into practical, human action.
When it helps managers understand what to do differently on Monday morning.

If our language creates distance rather than direction,
if our teams feel they need a glossary to keep up,
if our business leaders can’t repeat what we’ve said without squinting…

Then perhaps it’s not the audience that needs to lean in.

Perhaps it’s us.

Clear language is not simplistic.
It is disciplined.

And disciplined thinking is what earns credibility.

A Gentle Challenge for the Week Ahead

Before using a familiar phrase, pause and ask:

Would a new HR adviser understand this?
Could a line manager explain it confidently?
Am I leading with clarity — or signalling status?

If it’s performance rather than progress…
Room 101 is always open.

Let’s not park this thought.
Let’s not circle back.
Let’s not leverage a linguistic paradigm shift.

Let’s just say what we mean.

Because if HR wants to be trusted as the conscience of the organisation,
we need to sound like humans — not headlines.

Sharing the Love… (and the Office Wi-Fi Password)

February 14th. Valentine’s Day.

A day loved by florists, card shops and anyone with a strategic dinner reservation booked before Christmas. Possibly less loved by HR teams across the land.

Walk into almost any workplace on Valentine’s Day (or the day nearest to it) and you’ll see it. Flowers arriving at reception. Phones lighting up with heart emojis. A suspicious number of “working from home” requests. Smiles. Blushes. The faint scent of roses mixing with printer toner.

Add a sprinkle of workplace compost to a generally good mood and you have the perfect growing medium for Cupid’s arrows. They don’t have to travel far either. Before you can say “shared calendar invite”, roots are forming across departments.

And really… is that such a surprise?

We spend a significant proportion of our lives at work. We collaborate with people who share our goals, understand our pressures, laugh at the same Teams call glitches and appreciate why that project deadline really did matter. Shared purpose is powerful. Shared experiences even more so.

It is no wonder that many long-term relationships begin in the workplace. In fact, surveys continue to suggest that a significant proportion of couples meet at work.

So what’s the issue?

There is no law in the UK that prohibits office romances.

Consensual adult relationships are just that — consensual and adult.

However, modern workplaces operate within a clear legal and cultural framework. The Equality Act 2010 places a duty on employers to prevent discrimination, harassment and victimisation. Recent strengthened expectations around preventing sexual harassment mean organisations must take proactive steps — not just reactive ones.

And this is where things become nuanced.

A relationship that is:

Consensual
Transparent where appropriate
Conducted professionally
Free from conflicts of interest

is rarely the issue.

The difficulty tends to arise when one (or more) of those elements is missing.

The Pros (Yes, There Are Some)

Let’s not pretend workplace relationships are inherently problematic. They can:

Improve engagement (having someone who genuinely understands your workday is powerful)
Increase retention (love may not conquer all, but it can influence job decisions)
Strengthen collaboration (shared context helps)
Add to a positive culture when handled maturely

People who build strong professional relationships often develop strong personal ones. The very qualities we look for in leaders — empathy, resilience, communication, integrity — are also qualities we value in partners.

Interesting, isn’t it?

The Cons (Particularly When It Goes Wrong)

Here is where HR tends to reach for the policy folder.

Challenges arise when:

There is a power imbalance (manager/direct report relationships are particularly sensitive)
Decisions about pay, promotion or performance could be perceived as biased
A relationship breakdown spills into the workplace
One party alleges harassment or coercion
Colleagues feel uncomfortable or excluded

And this is where the law and organisational culture intersect.

A consensual relationship can, if it ends badly, lead to allegations of harassment. Perception matters. So does power. So does evidence. So does behaviour.

That doesn’t mean relationships shouldn’t happen. It means adults need to behave like adults — and organisations need clear behavioural expectations.

Declare It or Keep It Quiet?

Many organisations have “close personal relationships” policies. These are not there to extinguish romance. They exist to manage risk — particularly conflicts of interest.

In practice, disclosure is usually relevant where:

There is a reporting line between the individuals
One party influences pay, promotion or performance
There is a regulatory requirement to manage conflicts

Outside of those scenarios, most relationships remain exactly what they should be — private.

The key principle?
If your judgement could reasonably be questioned, transparency protects everyone.

And When It Ends…

This is the bit we don’t put on the Valentine’s cards.

Breakups are hard. Whether the relationship began at work or elsewhere, the emotional cost is real. But when you still have to share meetings, projects or car parking spaces, maturity becomes essential.

This is where culture matters more than policy.

Organisations that:

Set clear behavioural expectations
Address inappropriate conduct quickly
Support individuals respectfully
Encourage adult conversations

are far more likely to navigate workplace relationship breakdowns without drama.

Three Things Leaders Should Keep in Mind

1. Clarity beats awkwardness.
Be clear about behavioural expectations before you need to be. Culture is easier to maintain than to repair.

Zero tolerance slogans are rarely as effective as calm, values-led leadership.

2. Power dynamics matter.
Where there is a reporting line or influence over pay and progression, transparency protects everyone — including the organisation.

3. Breakups need boundaries.
If a relationship ends, support both parties to remain professional. Avoid gossip. Avoid taking sides. Address behaviour, not emotion.

A steady, calm response from leadership sets the tone for everyone else.

A Final Thought

Relationships — professional and personal — are part of working life. We hire for people who can build them. We promote those who can sustain them. We value leaders who manage them well.

Perhaps the question isn’t “Should workplace romances happen?”

Perhaps it’s “How do we ensure that when they do, they are handled with integrity, professionalism and respect?”

And perhaps that’s the real point.

Workplaces are made up of human beings — not job titles, not org charts, not risk registers. Where humans gather, relationships will form. Some will be friendships. Some will be alliances. A few will be love stories.

Our role as leaders is not to extinguish the human element, but to shape a culture where respect, integrity and professionalism are non-negotiable — whatever the relationship status.

Because when culture is strong, even Cupid behaves responsibly.

And if you are going to say it with flowers — may I gently suggest avoiding the Valentine’s Day premium?

Reflection

Workplace relationships are not new — but the way we handle them says a great deal about our organisational maturity.

What’s your view? Have you seen office romances handled brilliantly… or disastrously?

(Names and departments not required!)

Embrace the Season of Good Intentions in 2026

As the tinsel, fairy lights and other festive detritus are once again packed away (and yes, I still suspect at least one of you owned a large inflatable something), it feels like the official end of Christmas — and, traditionally, the beginning of fixing ourselves.

But before we launch headfirst into that, we’ve just come through something different this year.

Instead of rushing from mince pies to massive resolutions, we spent 12 Days of Wellbeing checking in with ourselves — reflecting, pausing, noticing what we need rather than what we should do. And that changes how this next season feels.

Welcome to the Season of Good Intentions — 2026 edition.

You may know it by its more familiar name: the New Year Resolution. Although these days many of us prefer gentler terms — intentions, habits, resets, or simply experiments to see what helps.

Because if the last few years have taught us anything, it’s this: life has a habit of smiling politely at rigid plans.

We still use the space between Christmas and New Year to think about what we want more of — and less of. We still begin January full of good intentions, only to find that some of them quietly drift away by mid-month (or sooner, if we’re being honest).

Dry January?
Yes, I planned it again.
Yes, I still negotiated my start date.
Some traditions clearly refuse to die.

The challenge hasn’t changed. We remain caught between getting what we want (the outcome) and wanting what we get (the effort, repetition and patience required to reach it).

And it’s that middle bit — the doing — that so often trips us up.

The most common intentions are still familiar: get healthier, move more, spend less, stress less, be happier, be more present with family, work differently, live better.

What has changed is our understanding of why these things feel hard.

We now know wellbeing isn’t just about willpower. It’s about energy. Capacity. Boundaries. Sleep. Screens. Mental load. And the sheer number of decisions we make before we’ve even had our first cup of tea.

We also know that dramatic, all-or-nothing change rarely sticks.

Gyms still overflow in January and empty by February. Family diaries remain impossible to align. Dietary preferences continue to expand in ways no single cookbook can accommodate. Motivation still disappears precisely when life gets busy — which is, inconveniently, most of the time.

The statistics remain sobering, but here’s the good news: we are better informed now.

As a continuation of those 12 Days of Wellbeing, I’m approaching this Season of Good Intentions with a slightly different mindset — one rooted in a simple but powerful idea:

Start where you are. Do what you can.

Not where you think you should be. Not what someone else is managing.
Just where you are — today.

So here are a few updated thoughts I’m carrying into 2026:

Get specific, not heroic
Instead of “be healthier,” try “walk twice a week” or “add one extra vegetable a day.” Small, doable actions are far more persuasive than grand declarations.

Choose support, not solitude
Accountability doesn’t have to be strict — it just needs to be shared. A friend, a colleague, or a gentle “shall we?” can make all the difference.

Plan for real life, not ideal life
Your intention needs to survive tired days, busy weeks and unexpected interruptions. If it can’t flex, it won’t last.

Expect the wobble
Missing a day isn’t failure — it’s being human. You’re always allowed to restart without punishment.

Protect energy, not perfection
Sometimes the most powerful wellbeing decision is saying no, logging off, going to bed earlier, or choosing “good enough.”

This season isn’t about reinvention. It’s about intention with kindness.

A gentle reflection

As you step into the year ahead, you might ask yourself:

What feels genuinely important right now?
What is one small thing that would make life feel a little better?
What could I do consistently, even on a busy or difficult day?

You don’t need a long list. You don’t need a perfect plan. You just need a starting point.

So here’s my invitation — not to be perfect, but to be present, curious, and kind to yourself as you go.

Start where you are.
Do what you can.
Adjust as needed.

May 2026 be the year we not only get what we want — but truly come to want what we get.

Happy Season of Good Intentions ✨

I’d love to know — are you setting intentions this year, or simply seeing what works?

Time To Talk – small conversations about mental health have the power to make a big difference

Thursday, February 4 2021 is ‘Time to Talk’ day. Time to talk is important to all of us as together we can end mental health stigma.

Time to Talk Day – a day set aside by Time to Change, a growing social movement working to change the way we all think and act about mental health.

This year’s theme is “The Power of Small – small conversations which make a big difference”. As individuals, managers, people professionals, colleagues or friends, you know the power of those small “How are you doing?” moments and while you are asking those questions who is asking that of you?

A small conversation about mental health has the power to make a big difference.

We know that the more conversations we have, the more myths we can bust and barriers we can break down, helping to end the isolation, shame and worthlessness that too many people with mental health problems are made to feel.

Time to Talk Day is the day that we get everyone talking about mental health. If we all do our part and start a conversation today, together we can end stigma surrounding mental health.

Did you know that mental health problems affect one in four of us? Across the UK, (and whilst most people will say that coughs, colds and an upset tummy are the main causes of sickness) it is stress anxiety and depression that are now the most frequently listed reasons for absence. If you think about your workplace, and if like mine you employ around 1500 people that means as many as 375 of us could be experiencing poor mental health right now. If that is the case, don’t you think it’s odd that we still don’t really talk about it or know how to support our colleagues who are experiencing symptoms?

What is mental health? Mental health is just like physical health: we all have it and we need to take care of it. Good mental health means being generally able to think, feel and react in the ways that you need and want to live your life. But if you go through a period of poor mental health, you might find the ways you’re frequently thinking, feeling or reacting become difficult, or even impossible, to cope with. This can feel just as bad as a physical illness.

Time to Talk Day is all about bringing together the right ingredients, to have a conversation about mental health. Whether that’s tea, biscuits and close friends or a room or on-line call full of people challenging mental health stigma or simply asking a colleague if they are ok – we want everyone to get talking because having conversations about mental health helps break down stereotypes, improve relationships, aid recovery and takes the stigma out of something that affects us all. There are lots of different ways to have a conversation about mental health and you don’t have to be an expert to talk.

You can find out more about #timetotalk day by clicking here . The website is full of information and there are lots of free resources to help you get talking started in your own organisation or at home.

You can find out more about the mental health organisation Mind by clicking here

Who doesn’t like a good natter? Why not reach out and make talking count not just on #timetotalk day but every day. That small conversation has the power to make a big difference.

He Ain’t Heavy – he’s my brother…

He ain’t heavy he’s my brother….

So on we go
His welfare is my concern

No burden is he to bear

We’ll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

Lyrics by the Hollies

November 21 is National Carer’s Rights Day and whilst it seems there are ‘days’ for everything at the moment, this is one that resonates personally for me and for at least 6.5 million others in the UK. Why? Because that is the estimated number of people currently who are either full-time carers or have caring responsibilities. By the time you read this, the number will have increased as every day another 6,000 people take on a caring responsibility – that equals over 2 million people each year. Finding yourself with caring responsibilities is something very few of us have been able to plan for. From the very beginning the axis of your world tilts, there may be no conversations at all, simply because you don’t know what to say or who to ask or there may be conversations with health and social care professionals and providers; conversations with employers on how to juggle work with caring; how to deal with the intricacies of the benefits system or to consider how to fund future care costs. All of this whilst coming to terms with a new set of very personal responsibilities – caring for a loved one. Caring, being a carer or life after caring for someone and its effects, rather like menopause, addiction or mental health, is something of a taboo subject and as a result those providing the care are often overlooked, their own needs over-shadowed by the needs of those they care for. Carer’s often experience poor mental health as the responsibilities can sometimes feel overwhelming, bewildering and stressful.

Perhaps then the title of this blog should really be ‘he/she ain’t heavy, he/she is my brother/sister/mother/father/partner/child/friend/relative.

Who do I have caring responsibilities for? My son and for a while, also, my father. And like many, many others, juggling the demands of a growing family, a career and the myriad of ‘stuff’ which constitutes life today. Did I do it well? Sometimes. Did I get it wrong? Often. Did I cope? Most of the time – but not always.

In organisations, we collect information on the ‘characteristics’ of the workforce to inform our decisions but often overlook carers when we consider who may be impacted. If that is the case in your organisation, take a look at the facts and figures to see the compelling argument for including ‘caring responsibilities’ in your workforce characteristics.

5 million people in the UK are juggling caring responsibilities with work – that’s 1 in 7 of the workforce.
58% of carers are women and 42% are men.
1.3 million people provide over 50 hours of care per week.
Over 1 million people care for more than one person

Did you know that carers save the economy £132 billion per year, an average of £19,336 per carer – however, the significant demands of caring mean that 600 people give up work every day to care for an older or disabled relative. There are now more ‘carers’ over the age of 65 providing care to relatives and loved ones over the age of 85.

In demographics terms, the majority of carers are below state pension age and the peak age for caring is 50 – 64 years old. According to the CarersUK survey, over 2 million people are in this age bracket are carers. Almost 1.3 million people in England aged 65 or over are carers.

You can read more in the full report here: carersuk.org/stateofcaring-report

There are a growing number of ‘sandwich carers’. These are people who care for an older or disabled loved one at the same time as they have young children. The ONS (Office for National Statistics) analysis using the Understanding Society dataset suggests that 3% (equivalent to more than 1.3 million people) of the UK general population now have this win responsibility. Disturbingly, almost 27% of ‘sandwich carers’ shows symptoms of mental ill-health while caring for both sick, disabled or older relatives and children. The peak age for these two family responsibilities to coincide is 40-44 for women and 45-49 for men. It is women who are more likely to face the pressure of simultaneously shouldering responsibility for young and old, usually at a time when they are reaching the peak of their career.

Tragically, there are more than 166,000 young carers aged 5-17 in the UK. Young carers can be as young as 6 years old and as many as 27% of young carers miss school and are dealing with things most people don’t experience until adulthood if ever. You can learn more about young carers here.

https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/…/facts-you-might-not-know-about-young-carers

So what can be done?

In my organisation we employ approx. 1400 people and in support of carers in our workforce have started a carers group, we don’t know what to call it yet and that will be for the group to decide. It might not need a name but what it does do is provide a safe space to come together during the working day and the opportunity for our people to know they are not alone. We have made the commitment to support this group and to consider their needs when we review policies, working practices or make changes within the organisation. In short we are giving this group a voice and something and someone to lean on when and if they need it. Our people are valuable to us so why wouldn’t we? What are you doing in your organisation?

Everyone’s caring responsibility is different. Whether you are a new carer or have been caring for someone for a while it is important that you understand your rights and are able to access the support that is available to you as soon as you need it. You can find out more here https://www.carersuk.org/news-and-campaigns/carers-rights-day

Don’t care alone – there is help.

Carers UK is a charity led by carers, for carers and their mission is to make life easier for those who have caring responsibilities. They give expert advice, information and support. You can reach them at www.carersuk.org.

Hello darkness my old friend……..

Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly, creeping
Left its seeds while I was, sleeping
And the vision, that was planted in my brain… still remains
Within the sound of silence

Lyrics by Simon & Garfunkel

Today, September 10, 2019 is National Suicide Prevention Day. It seems to be the right time to share part of Sarah’s story. We will all know a Sarah. You might know her by another name and the story may be a little different but the importance of looking after our mental health will be the same.

It was a beautiful day, Sarah felt it was probably the best day she had known filled with fun, friends and family. Yet when feeling at her strongest she was also at her most vulnerable. Like an uninvited and insignificant guest at an event, the proverbial ‘specter at the feast’, ‘it’ arrived unnoticed, unannounced and made itself comfortable. It was not invited nor was it encouraged. It was a little like having a small stone in your shoe, irritating but nothing to worry about. And there it remained waiting and patient in the depths of her mind. It waited until a small insignificant trigger was tripped (in Sarah’s case it was office banter about her shape and size and eating the pies) and silently it began to take control. Slowly, slowly at first, covering the light that was Sarah with its shadows. The changes were so small and subtle to begin with that even those closest to her failed to notice or question that Sarah wasn’t really Sarah anymore. Sarah herself knew but felt it was a turning point in her life, her interests had changed, her needs were different, she didn’t seem to fit with her group anymore, couldn’t have the same conversations. In short she didn’t enjoy their company anymore, she felt isolated and alone and no-one understood. Except for the voices in her head. The voices that had been in the shadows for a long time now made their entrance. They understood her and comforted her, they agreed with her when she stopped eating, they encouraged her when she began to hurt herself. Sometimes, the shadows would fade and Sarah would feel bereft. This often happened when Sarah’s family enveloped her in their togetherness. The emotion, security and joy this once gave her now made her feel claustrophobic and nauseous and she longed to escape back to her shadows and to be wrapped in the sour blanket they provided. Each time she returned to them they gathered in force until they were no longer shadows but a deep impenetrable darkness. There she stayed until one day, much like any other, she waited until everyone’s day was underway and all was in order she simply closed the door on life, never to return.

Mental health problems affect one in four of us, yet people are still afraid to talk about it. Look around you, it could be closer to you than you know.

If you need data to convince you that it is time to take positive action on mental health in your workplace, your community, your friends and family, the data from the Samaritans tells an alarming story. Last year in the UK, there were 6,507 suicides, a rise of 11.8% on the previous year. Men are three times as likely to die by suicide than women. The highest suicide rate is among men aged 45-49. The rate of deaths among under 25s increased by 23.7%, to 730 deaths in 2018.

Events like, Time to Talk Day and Mental Health Awareness Week are all about bringing together the right ingredients, to have a conversation about mental health. But why wait until then? Why not make tomorrow the day when, if you know someone is struggling or suffering in some way, reach out to them and just talk to them. You could be exactly what they need.

Sharing the love…….

February 14, Valentine’s Day. Everyone loves it apparently, well mostly retailers or those with, or with their eye on, a significant other. But not it seems the HR Functions in many organisations! I watched today as couples came to work together, a steady flow of flowers (mostly roses) got delivered, smiles were exchanged, mobile devices were alive with messages and a general glow of warmth was bringing out the romantic in a lot of people. For those who like to garden, if on a day like today, you add a little sprinkle of workplace compost to the general good mood you have the perfect growing medium for Cupid’s arrows. It doesn’t take too much effort to then launch them across the office and before you can say ‘hearts and flowers’ they set strong roots in the workplace.

We spend a lot of time at work. We spend a lot of our working time with people who share our values, are committed to the same aims and who ‘get us’ and understand the demands and challenges our roles can through at us. We can quite happily spend every day with these people (or at least some of them!) and then go onto socialise with them outside of the workplace. Is there any wonder then that many long-term relationships are kindled in the workplace? If you met your significant other at work then you are in good company. According to the research almost 60% of relationships start exactly there! Perhaps that is why good work is good for us. To be fair, there are also statistics which state the same amount end there but that’s for another day!

There are no laws against an office romance and when a close personal relationship develops which is consensual, conducted privately and without impact on the business why does HR or anyone else for that matter need to know let alone write a policy which says that such a relationship needs to be ‘declared’ or ‘disclosed’. I worked with a colleague once who made a point of reporting to HR on a weekly basis with details of the latest relationship. It was done for effect and to prove a point. HR didn’t do anything with the information or take any action they simply filed it in line with the policy. I chose the words carefully. At the risk of repeating myself I said relationships which are consensual, conducted privately and without impact on the business. In my experience people are generally professional and act with integrity. Most people believe their private life is exactly that – not for public consumption. If they feel there is a conflict of interest, in particular where their judgement may be called into question over a decision relating to their ‘significant other’ then they make sure their professionalism and reputation, like Caeser’s wife, is beyond reproach. Now of course things can get messy but is that any different to other forms of relationship in the workplace? How many times have you encountered a cohesive and performing team begin to dysfunction when one of the team gets promoted and goes from being team member to team leader? Or when organisational change isn’t handled well and previously harmonious and supportive colleagues find themselves in a competitive interview for a reducing number of posts. Conflict happens but rather than taking a zero-tolerance approach we need to develop our organisational culture to clearly set out, demonstrate and support the behaviours we expect to see in any situation. If relationships or conflicts develop then colleagues need to know what behaviours are and are not acceptable in the workplace. If it’s not acceptable then simply say it’s not how we behave here. No threats just a respectful and adult conversation. If the relationship breaks down, whether its inside or outside of the workplace, colleagues need to be supported to manage the emotional cost so that they can remain professional and productive at work.

Relationships, whether personal or professional, are part of working life. The ability to build productive relationships is often a skill we seek in prospective candidates or for future leaders. The traits and skills we develop in our colleagues are often the traits and skills we most seek in our partners. Interesting isn’t it?

And did you see the price of roses today? Just as relationships can develop or end any day of the year – if you are going to ‘say it with flowers’ at work or outside probably best to avoid the Valentine’s Day premium!